Good Morning Tuesday! How is everyone doing out there today? I am fine and enjoying the sun and the shadows casting over the trees and plants. Everything is getting so green finally. My flowers are still not open but seem to be coming along more. Really behind here with the budding and opening of all my flowers and plants. It must be because the temp here plummeted for a while- crazy weather! My microgreens are coming along fantastic. I take a peek every so often. Soon I will take the covers off and let them get great light and get nice an green and bigger then I can cut them and start to eat them in my sandwiches, salads etc. So excited about that as I love to watch plants grow. I really miss my nutritionist, she was wonderful and seeing her on a regular kept me on track. With my memory not good it was a big help. Hopefully when this virus starts to drop down maybe I will see her again! If you are reading Mary- I miss you! She really is a sweet, kind and an amazing person with a beautiful heart! I got a lot of inspiration from her! I miss seeing people and talking and having great conversation. It’s pretty lonely! Well I think I talked before about being lonely with a brain injury. Hard to explain, and even harder to explain when some just don’t even try to understand you- When people talk over you when you are trying to explain what you are feeling. It feels like I just waste all my energy trying to convey what I feel- I have decided that if some cannot be open and able to hear me I no longer will waste my time. It really is a big waste of energy and time as well. To me I feel disrespected at every level! That feeling of not being heard and not understood is draining! With someone with no disability no problem but with someone with a brain injury, major struggle! My energy for struggling is just too stretched out these days and I have no more time for that! So with that said I will concentrate on good things in life and even though it is so hard I have so many things to be grateful for! I will stop feeling shunned by so called friends who don’t even have the time of day for me. It hurts terrible but I must just simply let it all GO! I struggle with that too! Everyday!!! I have so much pain I deal with emotionally it’s ridiculous!!! Sometimes I wish I was an uncaring person and then none of this would impact me so deeply! My older sister said to me one day a very long time ago, ” You are too good, and you need to toughen up and give a shit less about anyone else and only worry on what your own needs and wants are, shit on them, Stop caring about people” She saw the pain I was in and she wanted me to feel and be okay. I know it’s hard to watch someone you love struggle and are in pain and there is nothing you can do to stop the hurt! That advice was fitting for the time, but when you are that kind of person – it’s just who you are, oh boy it is hard to change. Among all the other painful things my husband and I have had so many deaths in our lives these past 3 months no wonder I am a mess!
I know you all struggle with something out there. Whatever it is, I hope and pray you find comfort. Put your head in a bible maybe or go online and listen to stories about jesus. I know when I watch church on Sundays I always feel better. I will try to do better with the pain and my thoughts, because man can they consume me! I will work harder and doing things that bring me joy! I will think about the people who I know love me and worry and care for them and let the others not enter my fragile mind anymore! I really do have a few great and wonderful friends who love me and that’s all that matters. Besides my loving husband and Sister. I know Others are dealing with death out there and my hurt goes out to you all! Life is so emotional and if your are an empath the energies are all pain with this epidemic happening around the world! I feel it on another level daily and that is another reason I think I am so darn emotional! I tend to forget that. I know you all have your own struggles and I am wishing you all Peace as well! Remember I love you! One good thing that happened today? I remembered how much my husband loves me! Stay safe and be well! <3
Great read sweetie!❤❤❤