Welcome 2023! It is another year alive and here on this planet to tell my story, to share my life of Love, Lose, Struggle and learning to live again. I find that with the brain injury I forget when and where it was easier to be me. I go through those moments of trauma… of heartache… of joy and happiness too! I do know that I am very grateful to be here with my love and my babies that bring me so much joy to love. I only hope I show them enough love, and do the right thing to keep them healthy and happy! Like, how do I know I am taking good care of them. I can barely take care of me some days! I think some forget how it is not easy being me. That is okay because not everything in the world revolves around me, now does it? No, I think not! A lot of emotional stuff going on as well as physical. When I can move with ease and feel strong my mind is in such delight that I am beaming with light and love! My diet has been off and on and of course that is a big kick in the pants. I am not harming anyone but myself!!! There you have it… Harming myself! Is it addiction that has a grip or am I self sabotaging???? I have removed myself away from abusive people, but finding other way to abuse myself. Am I worthy of a calm, healthy, happy life! Where my body feels strong and at ease. Am I worthy of joy, happiness and serenity? Am I? Why do I feel that I fall short. Why?! I sit here typing slumping in my chair. Even my posture is blahhhhhhh! Sometimes I feel so very tired of life.. I wonder what is next and when the next shoe will drop! So freaking cynical, right? Not sure what the answer is, but I do know that I am not giving up! Not today, and not tomorrow either. I keep getting back up to fight for another day. I have a lot I need to do and I feel this is going to be the year for me to do what I need to do on this earth. To try to help someone, in some way- maybe to inspire them to keep on keeping on no matter how freaking hard it is. I have my days, my moments of wtf! Why Me? Boohoo….. Then I pull myself together and get back to it! Struggle every damn day I do! I know others to do in ways maybe I don’t. It is not easy having a disability like mine. Sometimes I wonder, how much longer do I have on this earth to keep fighting so damn hard, ughhh I am tired! So so tired! I am not ready to give up but the thought does cross my mind here and again. Life is what you make it! Right? Well alright then stop the belly aching and get stuck in it. Stuck in doing what I must to help this body heal! I am worthy, I am worthy and I am light and love, light and love and don’t you forget it either! Some things I need to tell myself every single day!
One good thing that happened today? I woke up alive with all that I love all around me!!!! It was Grande! Happy New Year everyone! Love and light to you all today and everyday! XOX
