Hello Out there!
Sunday used to be my favorite day. It is still to a point. I get to watch service from home in my recliner. Some would say so cool, but I used to love being in church with other people! The live and personal. I have been home for I can’t even tell you how many weeks now. I am just depressed and feeling hopeless these days! It was sunny out today and very warm. It was a beautiful day. I did get out for hours and sat out and had my bare feet in the grass next to our apple trees, catching the vibes from the earth. I was very grateful for that. We brought the dogs out and that was a bit hectic but they enjoyed it so much rolling in the grass! They are sleeping like babies! Where I should be but I am in pain waiting for the tylenol to kick in a bit before I even try to get comfortable. I know hormones are playing into some of my feelings and pain probably too if you ladies get my drift. I can’t seem to not think of old friends I have lost touch with and wondering how they are doing though all of this craziness. No way of reaching out but I do wish them well. I need to stop thinking about and worrying about people who obviously could care less about me. Right? I don’t even care about eating and that is a big one, because lately I just want to eat everything in site. I’m just so sad and can’t snap out of it! Wth… Usually I will have a moment here and there but just a moment! Not a whole day.. I feel abandoned by people who I used call friends since my brain injury! a few have reached out, just a few! That says something, huh? I either but my trust and friendship with the wrong people or I’ve done something that I even aren’t aware of??? I do not know. I guess it doesn’t matter but it hurts and I feel all alone. I am not alone but I feel that way at times. Imagine going to bed and waking up the next day not remembering what the day before was like. I have some memory but not a lot. It is really hard, you can’t even imagine and the burden I possess on my one and only! That bothers me too! I’m like stir crazy and need out of here for a few. I bet a lot of people feel this way. Maybe I am not the only one! IDK. I haven’t been here in the last couple of days and just wasn’t feeling it. I usually cannot wait to blog. Well I probably don’t have much of a following so what does it matter really anyway. You know an old friend said to me not to long ago, ” I am sorry that I haven’t been a good friend ” I tried to make her feel better and didn’t call her on it… And I should have! I have known her my whole life practically! She could care less what I am going through!!!! I just can’t believe how heartless some people are! I am not like that but lately I feel like there is only like 3 people who I would do anything for but the rest I have no care left for them! I am tired of feeling this way. I have facebook and I feel like deleting them all, lol… Funny right?! Well I guess I feel the pain and have so much struggle that everything just comes out like this, and of course being in lock down isn’t helping either. All my clothes are getting tight and you know what that means, I gained weight… ughhhh! Stuck in and eating my emotions over and over! Yuck! Not today though- maybe I will get a grip. Today day one of not wanting or liking food! I feel like I bounce from one extreme to the other. Holy crap, talk about problems!!!! And Struggles!!! Life sucks right now, but I am still grateful to be here on earth! I am not suicidal or anything like that but man I am sad, angry,lonely, angry- did I say that already… lol… So on that crazy note…. One good thing that happened today? I Watched my dogs play outside and have fun!!!!! <3
