What a muggy, rainy, breezy day. The sun was out for about an hour or so earlier. I am out in my cottage relaxing and listening to this spa station. It’s very relaxing out here. I have aromatherapy going with lavender and mint. I just watched a squirrel come strolling on by with a huge nut in his mouth. He looked in and kept going. So darn cute! I just love them. An old class mate rescued 2 baby squirrels- Momma was killed somehow and the babies eyes were still closed! He read up on them and took care of them and got them big and strong and then introduced them to the outdoors and little by little he let them play and frolic in the trees and bury their nuts/food! He made a little makeshift home with there stuff in there and then started to leave it open and they can come and go as they please. This has been going on for months now and they still climb up him and play with him. The one has gone off and he hasn’t seen her in a week or two- he thinks she might be pregnant and staying away to have them. The other sweetie is there everyday like almost waiting for him. She does go about enjoying freedom! He posts videos of them all the time. He loves them so much. He is saddened that they might both leave some day and never return. He was selfless to let them be wild as god attended! Wow, we are in for a bad storm here, so I am headed in… be back in a few!
Happy Sunday all! My favorite day of the week. I am up early as usual. My knees hurt so not sure I will get back in bed. I just woke up. Every morning I am up wee hours of the morning! I am tired still and will try to nap at some point. Church is on at 10 am and I am looking forward to it! I think I missed it last week. I am feeling so crappy this morning all I can do is sit here and cry! I was on facebook earlier and saw some posts of so called friends. I shouldn’t even been on looking at any of it. It just makes me so upset. People who I thought were my friends, were in fact not!!! It’s amazing how you realize that, it’s like a unexpected slap in the face! I feel so hurt right now and lonely! A brain injury is a lonely place. Then I have other memories flooding in like waterfalls- not pretty though. Terrible things I have been through in my life! No wonder I have PTSD! I can’t seem to let shit go, really why do I have to remember those bad shits in my life!! The rotten people who I trusted and only fucking abused me! Rotten evil fucking people! I am so angry right now! I go from sad, crying to mad as hell and then back again! I have to let is go because these people aren’t work my anguish, not for one second! I have helped people just to be used. Cared for people who never had my best interest in mind! I could go on and on. Not that I am perfect, god knows I have done some bad things, not to hurt anyone but that is how it turned out at times. I have felt bad about those things! Again, I have to let shit go! All of it, all of those memories! Why couldn’t my brain wash away the bad shit! When I think about it all from a very young age I have suffered pretty much my whole life. Victim, yes I was because when you are a child you are then the victim! Well Fuck all of them who have wronged me and I ask god for forgiveness of all who I may have hurt. It doesn’t matter some times how much you have helped someone! They just are takers so no appreciation is even felt- Like slap in the head- did I see that coming or feel it? Probably and just thought no, don’t think that way!!!! When you feel something don’t shut it down, it might be true honest feelings. I am an empath and I can feel it miles away! I need to listen! Talk about struggle!! I hate that fucking word!!! I really do! Because it seems like anything I do or feel is a struggle! I am so tired, so tired of it all! Speaking of tired, I only got about 4 to 5 hours of sleep! Like usual, and it’s probably catching up to me! I think I will try to go back to sleep for a bit! Why not, right? I might as well! Maybe all these bad feeling will dissipate and rest is probably just what I need anyway! Then church, another thing I need is to hear the good word and the love they exude… Well I am wishing you all no struggles today! One good thing that happened today? Memories, good and bad! Be well and stay safe out there!
